For Maya and Liam, the adventure of long-distance love began with optimism and a few assumptions. Maya, a digital marketer in London, imagined regular video dates and spontaneous calls with Liam, a musician based in Los Angeles. But as both careers ramped up and time zones clashed, Maya often felt disappointed. Calls got missed, messages were delayed, and Maya found herself hoping for things Liam didn’t always know she wanted.
In time, they realized the need to set realistic expectations to prevent resentment and keep their relationship grounded.
If you’re facing similar challenges, managing expectations doesn’t mean lowering them; it means creating a balanced foundation for love to grow. Here are 5 ways to help you avoid disappointment in a long-distance relationship:
1) Communicate Relationship Expectations Early and Often
Clear communication is essential to prevent misunderstandings and build higher relationship satisfaction (2). Be upfront about what you hope for, whether it’s daily texts, weekly video calls, or plans to visit each other. Maya and Liam began to check in with each other weekly about their schedules and adjusted their expectations based on their workloads.
Tip 1:
Set aside time to discuss your relationship expectations and adjust them together. It builds a shared understanding and prevents disappointment.
2) Avoid Assumptions About Availability
Long-distance relationships require flexibility. It’s tempting to assume your partner is always free when you’re free, but schedules and time zones can complicate things. Instead, discuss your plans in advance and find a rhythm that works for both of you.
Tip 2:
Use a shared calendar to keep track of each other’s busy times. Knowing when they’re available helps you avoid unrealistic expectations and builds understanding.
3) Create “Expectations Check-Ins”
Regular check-ins can help you both reassess and adjust your expectations as your relationship evolves. These conversations don’t need to be formal; just create a safe space to share any concerns or disappointments without blame. These are effective conflict management techniques to build more harmony in a long-distance relationship (3).
Tip 3:
Try setting up a monthly “expectations check-in” to review what’s working and what could improve. This helps both partners feel heard and valued.
4) Embrace Quality Over Quantity
Many couples find that while they can’t be in constant communication, they can make the most of the time they have. Liam and Maya focused on planning intentional, quality conversations rather than daily updates. High-quality relationships contribute significantly to well-being, whereas neutral or low-quality relationships can actually diminish it, sometimes leaving individuals better off unpartnered (1). This highlights the importance of not just spending time together but ensuring that the interactions are meaningful and fulfilling.
Tip 4:
Use your calls to share something meaningful—like recent experiences or personal reflections—rather than only small talk. Quality conversations help you both feel closer, even if they’re not frequent.
5) Set Small, Achievable Goals Together
Goal-setting in relationships isn’t just about future visits; it can also include shorter-term goals like reading the same book or working on a project together. These shared goals bring purpose to your long-term relationship and help you both feel connected.
Tip 5:
Plan activities that you both can look forward to, like a virtual movie night or planning a future trip. Setting small goals helps build a sense of progress and stability in the relationship.
In Final Words: Managing Expectations Can Strengthen Your Bond
Managing expectations is a form of self-care for your long-distance relationship. From honest conversations to shared goals, these small adjustments can build trust, prevent disappointments, and create a deeper bond.
Remember, managing expectations isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about aligning on what’s realistic and meaningful for both partners. If you’re looking for more ways to keep your long-distance love thriving, check out more of our articles on expathy.org.
Let’s keep building connections that stand the test of distance!
References
1. Hudson, N. W., Lucas, R. E., & Donnellan, M. B. (2019). The Highs and Lows of Love: Romantic Relationship Quality Moderates Whether Spending Time With One’s Partner Predicts Gains or Losses in Well-Being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46(4), 572–589. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219867960
2. Meeks, B. S., Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (1998). Communication, Love and Relationship Satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(6), 755–773. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407598156003
3. Mohd Zulkifli, H. S., Saidon, R., & Abd Aziz, A. (2022). Approach in Managing Conflict in A Long Distance Marriage. Journal of Contemporary Islamic Studies, 8(1). https://doi.org/10.24191/jcis.v8i1.3
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